Four to One Ratio
by Arigatou Sheitarou
Summary: Three times Fate Testarossa was there to protect you. And the one time she wasn't. Post StrikerS, NanoFate.


Four to One Ratio

You weren't always together, in the beginning.

Not really.

But after the creation of the Sixth Division, that changed. You had a room together. Hayate had made sure of that. She would always joke, like that. She would always say that that way it was as though you were already married. And Fate would always blush and glare at her halfheartedly while you…you just rolled your eyes and smiled because you couldn't stand the fact that you wished it was true.

Because you were supposed to be in love with Yuuno. You had pictured yourself in love with Yuuno, had wished for it, even, and yet…

And yet…

In the beginning, you weren't always together. Not really.

Fate Testarossa had become an enforcer while you had decided to become an instructor and so you worked in different fields. You kept in contact, over the phone or through a screen, but it wasn't the same. Memories from childhood days –the reverberation of warm laughter, soft touches, hot chocolate on a rainy day– resurfaced and you were constantly pulled under.

Fate Testarossa was a wonderful girl and recollections of her hounded you, still hound you, will forever haunt and plague your mind as you stand still, fingernails bitten down to the quick, arms wrapped around yourself as you take a stand against the nervous bleeding in your brain.

Her name is all you see when you open a manual, when you read the newspapers, when you come across a stop sign in the middle of the road while driving her car. She is all you can think about, now.

She is all you can think about, forever.

And so you weren't always together, in the beginning.

Not really, and neither of you was okay with that but you were both immobile, and so it happened, anyway.

Nothing was okay, in that time period. You remember feeling lost and somewhat scared and overly confused. And whenever you heard her name, it was okay, it was fine, it was wonderful and then you had to call her because you just had to hear her voice, _you had to_.

And then those days were over and Hayate with her jokes and everything that happened up to this point and now you're unstable.

You're unstable and it's really all her fault because she _shouldn't have_ done it, she shouldn't have even _considered_ doing it and it's all been entirely useless, now. She did do it, though, because if anyone could have done it and gotten away with it, it was Fate Testarossa.

Fate Testarossa, who had always been fast. So fast. Too fast.

You hate her for it.

At the start of everything, you weren't always together. Not really.

You wish it would have stayed that way.

The first time you went on a mission together, it had been under Hayate's command. Hayate's command and you never expected anything to go wrong. But it did because whenever you've thought that, everything has always had the tendency to go wrong. A stray blast had caught you at the wrong time and you had slammed into the ground, the wind knocked out of you and your enemy's smile as he prepared his attack has never left you to this day.

But Fate was there because she always was when you needed her and she was there with her weak barrier because Sonic form wasn't made for speed and defense, it was made for speed and attack but she was still there and she took it because she could, she'd always been strong, but it made you nervous when her gloves disintegrated from the force of the blast. She winced from the burns. But she was okay.

_To an extent_.

And in the beginning, you weren't always together. Not really. But after you'd been together for a day, you swore you'd never leave her side.

It was a lie, they were always lies, everything was a mix of psychobabble bullshit.

The things you say – promise – when you're in love.

The second time she did it, you were both with Vivio. It was a nice day and they came from out of nowhere. You were busy trying to protect her, so busy trying to keep her safe because by God, you love that little girl and you wouldn't be able to bear it if anything happened to her. So you were busy protecting her and didn't see your enemy when she approached you from behind.

And Fate was there again, taking the attack for you, the woman's device digging into her side and there was blood and Vivio was screaming.

Screaming.

Screaming.

But in the beginning, you weren't always together. Not really. You weren't always this dependant on her. But she became a necessity anyway and anyway, it's wrong.

Because the third time it happened was when you were supposed to protect her and she refused to take her place as the protected and you were shoved behind her again. Her arms were around you, for a second, and for a second, it was as though you were young again and laughing and everything was okay, and God, how you missed those days without the feelings, without the yearning, without the love.

The blast pierced her like a bullet and she smiled at you and there was blood again, so much blood.

You hated her for it. You hated her and you still do.

Because there was blood and she lost too much and even though she was wonderful, even though she was breathtaking, even though you loved her, she died.

She died she died she died she died and you're here now, fighting and she's not there when they hurt you, she's not there when you need her, and in the beginning, you weren't always together, but this isn't the beginning, it's the end, and nothing's meant to end this way.

Because she was allowed to die with you, and you have nothing. You have no one.

It's you and you're alone, and it's you without her and there's nothing more unbearable to you than that thought.

But you smile anyway, and you mean it.

"Kill me." You tell them, whispering, and your lips are red, red, red like her eyes. You smile again, and it's wrong. "Kill me now."

**A/N: **Woo. XD

Do you want to kill me, now? XDDDDD

I shouldn't be having so much fun with such a depressing oneshot, and wow. I just realized it's the first time I've killed the main characters of a series. DX Wow. Ahem.

Anyway, this one's dedicated to Enraptured, because I was sent a review and I was sorely tempted to depress you. And so here it is, just for you. With love. So don't kill me. Oi. I said don't kill me, you. Credit goes to a friend of mine (you know who you are) for the idea.

Heh. Well. Melody's nearly done. XD And thanks for the reviews. They are food for my soul.


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